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Post By Silver Aegis Wed Apr 04, 2007 at 10:35:59 pm EDT |
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Silver Aegis #5, continued | |
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“The Secret Origin of the Silver Aegis: From Deep within the Plot Hole” Twenty four hours ago: “Curse him!” Madame HERPES threw her martini glass at the monitor showing the Silver Aegis caroming his shield off of several of her minions, “Curse that red, white, and blue busybody! That was our fourth cell he has shut down within Parodiopolis! Soon our presence in that city will be negligible! He must be stopped!” “But how, mistress?” the uniformed agent who attended the virago had the temerity to inquire; “The Silver Aegis strikes without warning, and fights like a man possessed!” SLAP! “Fool! It is obvious HERPES must track the hero down and eliminate him before he can prepare for us! But how do we find him?” “I believe I can help you with that, woman!” “What’s this? Appearing on the screen, the image of a man wrapped in red robes! Who-?” “I am the Red Saracen, and though I am loathe to bargain with one such as yourself, it is obvious we share a common enemy, the accursed Silver Aegis!” Madame HERPES flinched at the insult, but held back any retort. There was something in the man’s eyes that gave her caution, “Yes, I have heard of you, Saracen. You seek to destroy the powers of the Occidental world and create a global caliphate with you at its head. Very ambitious!” “Do not attempt to use your wiles on me, you decadent Jezebel! I have only interrupted your communications to propose a bargain. I can offer you information to aid you in the location of the Silver Aegis, in exchange for some information of HERPES’s own.” “Which would be what, you deranged dervish?” “All of your files on the Celestial Tchotchke.” “Hahahaha!” the terrorist leader threw back her head and laughed, “The Tchotchke is a myth, a legend. You would be better off searching for Aladdin’s magic lamp!” “Then it will cost you nothing to pass on that knowledge to me,” Red Saracen noted smarmily, “Transfer the data, and I will tell you how to find the Aegis.” Once the exchange was completed and the villain cut communication, Madame HERPES stroked her neck contemplatively, “The Saracen is definitely one that bears watching, it would seem. Our paths are sure to cross again.” “Do you think he is right, mistress? Do you think this Josie Hart will be able to learn the secrets of the Silver Aegis?” her attendant asked. “If anyone could, it’s that awful reporter. But the real question is how do we learn what she does without attracting suspicion? Ah! I have it,” sweeping her arm dramatically, she points to the door, “Bring me Agent Anonymous!” Now: The Pneumovator was a vacuum powered personal transport system designed to allow rapid movement from one section of SPUD’s hidden ultrastructure to another. What it was not designed to do was preserve a woman’s modesty if she were wearing any form of skirt. “I mean it, you two; keep those eyes closed until we get out of this oversized vacuum tube!!” Josie Hart hollered over the sound of rushing air. “Miss Hart, I assure you, I would never even consider using this situation as an opportunity to steal a look at your undergarments.” “Really? Why not?” Before the Silver Aegis could answer the conduit he, Josie Hart, and her photographer Lewis Hollander were racing through took a ninety degree turn upward. The trio flew from the Pneumovator into a vast open space, only to be propped up from underneath by a hover platform once gravity had halted their climb. “Wow! That was one crazy ride, Clyde!” Lewis exclaimed before his attention focused on another floating disc, “Look, there’s somebody else here!” “Very astute, young man! With such finely honed observation skills it’s shocking you toil away for so outmoded and antiquated an information disseminating medium!” the beetle-browed man in the labcoat and goggles drew himself up to his full height, “I am Doctor Wilberforce Malevio Drang, the world’s greatest authority on para-physics. And Agent Scoggins has brought you to me so I may show you how his implausible presence here in our reality was achieved. The answer is: by my genius.” Dr. Drang pressed a button on his handheld console, commanding the two discs to link, “Come here to the edge, prole, and bring your camera, for the next toggle I flip will unlock the gateway to the most fantastical revelation in all of human history! You will want to get the best possible view of… the Plot Hole!!!” “Incredible! The floor, irising open, revealing… nothing! An immense, unfathomable void. And yet,” Josie paused, “I see things… almost out of the corner of my eye when I look down into it.” “What your ‘seeing,’ my dear, what your mind is feverishly attempting to grasp, is the raw story stuff left over from an infinite number of discarded realities. The flotsam and jetsam of untold elseworlds, riven to pieces by the cosmic tides created by some great crisis. It is from within the abyss my instrumentation found and fished out the subject, Silver Aegis!” Josie tore her gaze away from the all-devouring emptiness beneath her to look to the mailed hero, “Is that true? You came from down there?” The man nodded stoically, “Yes. My world doesn’t exist anymore.” “Untrue!” Dr. Drang exalted, “It exists, but as a protean mixture of disconnected narrative elements! I, like some Digital Age alchemist, melded those rudiments into what, er, who you see standing among us. “Another man, less modest than myself, who accomplished such a feat might proffer that he had created LIFE!” he smirked before hitting the switch that would cover the Plot Hole. “Good thing you’re just the portrait of humility, isn’t it, Doctor?” Josie Hart was furiously jotting notes in her flipbook, “Why is SPUD going through the expense to… trawl for superheroes in some giant hole of emptiness? What’s wrong with the heroes we already have?” Each man had a different response. Dr. Drang: “Why? For science, of course!” Silver Aegis: “There’s nothing wrong with the Parodyverse’s superheroes. The government just-“ Agent Anonymous, disguised as Lewis Hollander: Who cares? Your leaders have just created one more hero for HERPES to slaughter! ‘Hail HERPES! Apply Penicillin and another rash shall come forth within six weeks!’” BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! To Be Concluded! |
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